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Mental Health Awareness Month

By Emily D, LCSW

Worried about someone? Start here!

Tips for talking about mental health

One of the most common questions that friends, family, and people I serve ask me is what to do when you notice that someone in your life is struggling. It might sound something like, “I’m really worried. What do I say? What can I do?”

It can be nerve-racking to start a conversation about mental health with someone we care about. It is also hard to watch people we care about struggle or go through a hard time. The good news is that all of us can play a big role in supporting people we care about when they experience symptoms of mental health. Here are some tips to open the door to talking about mental health, and how to keep it open even if people aren’t ready to talk, get help, or take action yet.

  1. Tell them that you care

This might seem simple, but when someone is having a hard time, it is helpful to express clearly how you feel about them. This could sound like “I want you to know I love you,” “I am here for you,” or “You know I think you’re awesome, right?”

  1. Ask permission

Timing can be really important when it comes to conversations about mental health. It can be helpful to ask permission to bring up conversations that might be challenging.  When we ask permission, it also helps the other person buy into the conversation. This could sound like, “I have been feeling worried about you, is now a good time to talk?” or, “Can we check in about how you’ve been doing?”

  1. Share observations without judgement

If you notice that someone you care about is going through a hard time or recognize symptoms of mental health they might be having, it can be helpful to reflect your observations. For most of us it is easier to be open to information from others when it is clear, kind, and based on observable facts rather than what we think. For example, you might say, “You told me you haven’t been sleeping well, and I noticed that you missed our last two basketball games.” It can be helpful to avoid a generalization like “you never want to do anything anymore.”

  1. Focus on the feelings

If someone tells you how they are feeling, it can be helpful to tell them that you hear them, what they are feeling is valid, and/or that you have felt that way before too. Try reflecting what they say like, “I’m sorry to hear that you have no energy these days.”

  1. Listen without trying to fix things

From the outside it sometimes seems clear what a person could do to help themselves when they are having a hard time with their mental health. These thoughts could sound like, “If only they would get help,” or “It’s obvious this is because of ___.” It’s important to remember that most of us have trouble seeing or understanding how things are affecting ourselves and others when we’re right in the middle of it.  It is also normal to want to help the people we care about, which is why offering a solution can be so tempting! Instead of sharing what we think could be helpful or trying to fix the problem, listening is often the best option. When we listen and try to understand someone and how they are feeling it creates a safe space for conversations.

  1. Ask questions and empower choices

It can be powerful to ask someone who is having a hard time what they think would help or what they would like to do. This reminds people that they are experts on themselves and communicates that we have confidence in them. For example, “What would you like to do about not being able to sleep? Is there anything I can help with?”

  1. Plant seeds of hope

One of the hardest parts of loving someone with experiences of mental health can be that people aren’t always ready to change or get help. When this happens, it is helpful to remember that every positive interaction, encouraging word, or offer of help is a seed we are planting that might grow later. It often takes more than one conversation or experience for people to be ready to get help or make a change. Remind people you care about that when they are ready, you’ll be there.

Starting a conversation with someone important to you about mental health can make a big difference. Talking about mental health can feel uncomfortable and takes practice, so be patient and kind to yourself. By making an effort to have conversations with people in our lives about mental health, we are building connections in our communities and breaking down stigma. If you or someone you know needs help connecting to mental health or substance use treatment, here are some resources that could help: