Mwezi uliwonse wa Okutobala kuyambira 1985, Mwezi Wodziwitsa Anthu Khansa ya M'mawere umakhala ngati chikumbutso cha anthu za kufunika kozindikira msanga ndi chisamaliro chodzitetezera, komanso kuvomereza odwala khansa ya m'mawere, opulumuka, ndi ofufuza omwe amagwira ntchito yofunika ngati imeneyi kufunafuna machiritso. matenda. Kwa ine ndekha, sikuti mu October ndimangoganizira za matenda oopsawa. Ndakhala ndikuziganizira motere, pafupifupi tsiku lililonse kuyambira pamene mayi anga okondedwa anandiimbira foni mu June 2004 kundiuza kuti awapeza. Ndimakumbukirabe mmene ndinaimirira m’khitchini yanga nditamva nkhani imeneyi. Ndizodabwitsa momwe zochitika zowawa zimakhudzira malingaliro athu komanso kukumbukira nthawiyo ndi zina zomwe zidatsatira zimatha kubweretsa kuyankha koteroko. Ndinali ndi pakati pa miyezi isanu ndi umodzi ndi mwana wanga wapakati ndipo mpaka nthawi yomweyo, ndinali ndisanakumanepo ndi zowawa pamoyo wanga.

Pambuyo pa kugwedezeka koyamba, chaka chotsatira ndi theka sichinamveke bwino m'chikumbukiro changa. Zedi ... panali nthawi zovuta zodziwikiratu zomuthandizira paulendo wake: madokotala, zipatala, njira, kuchira opaleshoni, ndi zina zotero, koma panalinso maholide, kuseka, nthawi yamtengo wapatali ndi amayi anga ndi ana anga pamodzi (ankakonda kunena kuti agogo anali "gigi yabwino kwambiri" yomwe adakhalapo nayo!), kuyenda, kukumbukira. Panali m'maŵa wina pamene makolo anga ankachezera Denver kukaona mdzukulu wawo watsopano pamene amayi anga anafika kunyumba kwanga m'mawa, akuseka mwachidwi. Ndidamufunsa chomwe chinali choseketsa, ndipo adandiuza nkhani ya kutha kwa tsitsi lake la chemo usiku watha ndipo tsitsi lake likugwera m'manja mwake. Anayamba kuseka kuganiza za zomwe oyang'anira nyumbawo ayenera kuti ankaganiza, pamene adawona mutu wake wonse wakuda, wopindika wachi Greek / Italiya mu zinyalala. Ndizodabwitsa zomwe zingakusekeni mukukumana ndi zowawa zazikulu ndi chisoni.

Pamapeto pake, khansa ya amayi anga sinachiritsidwe. Anapezeka ndi khansa ya m'mawere yosowa kwambiri, yomwe siidziwika ndi mammograms ndipo pofika nthawi yomwe imapezeka, imakhala ikupita ku IV. Adachoka mdziko lino mwamtendere tsiku lotentha la Epulo mu 2006 kunyumba kwawo ku Riverton, Wyoming ndi ine, mchimwene wanga, komanso abambo anga pomwe adapuma komaliza.

M’milungu ingapo yapitayi, ndimakumbukira kuti ndinkafuna kusonyeza nzeru zilizonse zimene ndikanatha, ndipo ndinam’funsa kuti anakwanitsa bwanji kukhala m’banja ndi bambo anga kwa zaka zoposa 40. “Ukwati ndi wovuta kwambiri,” ndinatero. "Mwapanga bwanji?" Iye ananena mwanthabwala, ndi maso ake akuda ndi kumwetulira kuti, “Ndili ndi kuleza mtima kwakukulu!” Maola angapo pambuyo pake, anawoneka wotsimikiza mtima ndipo anandipempha kuti ndikhale naye pansi nati “Ndinkafuna kukupatsani yankho lenileni la mmene ndinakhalira m’banja ndi atate wanu kwa nthaŵi yaitali. Chinthu ndi ... Ndinazindikira zaka zapitazo kuti ndikhoza kuchoka pamene zinthu zikuvuta ndikupita kwa munthu wina, koma kuti ndimangogulitsa mavuto amodzi kwa wina. Ndipo ndinaganiza zopitirizabe ndi mavutowa ndikupitiriza kuwathetsa.” Mawu anzeru ochokera kwa mkazi wakufa ndi mawu omwe asintha momwe ndimawonera ubale wautali. Ili ndi phunziro limodzi lokha limene ndinalandira kwa amayi anga okondedwa. Wina wabwino? "Njira yabwino kwambiri yodziwika ndi kukhala okoma mtima kwa aliyense." Adakhulupirira izi… adakhala izi… ndipo ndichinthu chomwe ndimabwereza pafupipafupi kwa ana anga. Iye amakhalabe moyo.

Si amayi onse omwe amaonedwa kuti ndi "oopsa kwambiri" a khansa ya m'mawere amasankha njirayi, koma posachedwapa, ndasankha kutsatira ndondomeko yowonongeka yomwe imaphatikizapo mammogram imodzi ndi ultrasound imodzi pachaka. Zitha kukuyikani pang'ono pang'onopang'ono, komabe, monga nthawi zina ndi ultrasound, mutha kukumana ndi zolakwika ndikusowa biopsy. Izi zitha kukhala zosokoneza mukamadikirira nthawi ya biopsy ndipo mwachiyembekezo, zotsatira zake zoyipa. Zovuta, koma ndaganiza kuti iyi ndiye njira yomwe imandipangitsa kukhala yomveka bwino kwa ine. Mayi anga analibe zosankha. Anamupeza ndi matenda owopsa ndipo adakumana ndi zovuta zonse ndipo pamapeto pake, adalepherabe nkhondo yake pasanathe zaka ziwiri. Sindikufuna zotsatira zake kwa ine kapena kwa ana anga. Ndikusankha njira yokhazikika ndi zonse zomwe zimabwera nayo. Ngati ndikakamizika kukumana ndi zomwe amayi anga adakumana nazo, ndikufuna kudziwa mwachangu momwe ndingathere, ndipo ndimenya #@#4! ndikukhala ndi nthawi yamtengo wapatali…mphatso yomwe mayi anga sanapatsidwe. Ndikulimbikitsa aliyense amene akuwerenga izi kuti akambirane ndi dokotala wanu kuti adziwe ngati izi zingakhale zomveka ndi mbiri yanu / mbiri yanu komanso chiopsezo chanu. Ndinakumananso ndi mlangizi wa zachibadwa ndipo anandiyeza magazi kuti ndione ngati ndinali ndi jini ya khansa ya mitundu yoposa 70 ya khansa. Kuyesako kudapangidwa ndi inshuwaransi yanga, kotero ndimalimbikitsa ena kuti ayang'ane njirayo.

Ndakhala ndikuganiza za amayi anga tsiku lililonse kwa zaka zoposa 16. Anandiwalitsa kuwala komwe sikunazime m'chikumbukiro changa. Imodzi mwa ndakatulo zake zomwe ankakonda kwambiri (anali mphunzitsi wamkulu wa Chingerezi!) adaitanidwa Fig Yoyamba, yolembedwa ndi Edna St. Vincent Millay ndipo ndidzandikumbutsa nthawi zonse za kuwalako:

Kandulo yanga imayaka mbali zonse ziwiri;
Sizidzakhala usiku;
Koma o, adani anga, ndipo o, abwenzi anga-
Zimapereka kuwala kokongola!