Mwedzi Wenyika Yekurambana Kwevana

Svondo rapfuura, ndakanga ndakagara pasi petende pamusangano wekupedzisira wemwanakomana wangu ane makore 18 okutuhwina weligi yake yechirimo. Mwanakomana wangu akatanga kushambira aine makore manomwe uye iyi yaive nguva yekupedzisira mhuri yake iine mufaro wekumuona achikwikwidza. Akandikumbanira pasi petende akanga ari aimbova murume wangu, Bryan; mudzimai wake, Kelly; hanzvadzi yake; pamwe nemuzukuru waKelly nemuzukuru wake; Amai vaBryan, Terry (vaichimbova vamwene vangu); murume wangu iye zvino, Scott; uye mwanakomana ane makore gumi nerimwe wandinogoverana naye, Lucas. Sezvatinoda kutaura, uku kwaive "kusashanda kunakidzwa kwemhuri" pakunaka kwazvo! Chokwadi chinonakidza…mwana wangu ane makore gumi nerimwe okuberekwa zvakare anotaura nezvaTerry sa“Mbuya Terry,” nekuti akafirwa naambuya vake uye Terry ari kufara kuzadza.

Kurambana kunogona kuve chiitiko chinonetsa uye chinoshungurudza kune vese vanobatanidzwa, kunyanya kana vana vari chikamu cheequation. Zvakadaro, ini naBryan tinodada nemabatiro atakaita kukoshesa kugara zvakanaka uye mufaro wevana vedu nekutanga hukama hwakasimba hwekurera vana. Muchokwadi, izvi zvakakosha kune mufaro wevana, ndinotenda. Co-parenting haisi yevasina simba! Zvinoda kushandira pamwe, kukurukurirana kunobudirira, uye kuzvipira kuisa zvinodiwa nevana vako pakutanga, pasinei nokuti unganzwa sei pamusoro pokuparara kweukama hwenyu. Aya anotevera ndiwo mamwe mazano atakashandisa uye matipi anoshanda kutibatsira kufamba nevabereki vedu mushure mekurambana kwedu:

1. Koshesa Hurukuro Yakavhurika uye Yakatendeseka: Ndinotenda kuti kutaurirana kunoshanda kunoumba hwaro hwebudiriro kana muri pamwe chete mubereki. Kurukurai makasununguka zvinhu zvinokosha zvine chokuita nevana venyu, zvakadai sedzidzo, utano, uye mabasa okuwedzera. Ramba uchitaura zvine ushamwari uye zvine ruremekedzo, uchiyeuka kuti kukurukurirana kwako kwakavakirwa pazvakanakira vana vako. Shandisa nzira dzakasiyana dzekutaurirana dzakadai senhaurirano dzechiso nechiso, kufona, maemail, kana kunyange maapplication ekurera vana kuti uve nechokwadi chekutenderera uye kujeka kweruzivo. Chinhu chimwe chete chatakatanga naBryan kwaiva spreadsheet kwataironda mari yose ine chekuita nevana, kuitira kuti tive nechokwadi chokuti taigona “kugadzirisa” zvakanaka pakupera kwemwedzi woga woga.
2. Gadzira Hurongwa hwekurera vana pamwe chete: Urongwa hwakanyatsorongwa hwekurera vana hunogona kupa kujeka uye kugadzikana kune vese vabereki nevana. Shandai pamwe chete kugadzira hurongwa hwakazara hunoratidza marongero, mabasa, uye maitiro ekuita sarudzo. Fukidza zvinhu zvinokosha, zvakadai semarongerwo eshanyo, mazororo, mazororo, uye kupatsanurwa kwezvisungo zvemari. Iva anochinjika uye akavhurika kudzokorora hurongwa sezvo zvinodiwa nevana vako zvinoshanduka nekufamba kwenguva. Ikoku kwave kuri kwechokwadi zvikurukuru apo vana vedu vakapinda mumakore okuyaruka. Mwana wangu ane makore 24 akandiudza nguva ichangopfuura kuti aikoshesa zvikuru kuti ini nababa vake hatina kumbomuomesera nokuitirana nharo pamberi pake kana kuti kumuti ambopedza nguva ari pamba pane imwe. Kunyangwe takatengesa mazororo makuru, mazuva ekuzvarwa aigara achipembererwa pamwe chete uye kunyangwe izvozvi, paanoenda kuDenver achibva kumba kwake kuChicago, mhuri yese inoungana kuti vadye.
3. Kurudzira kuwirirana uye maitiro: Vana vanobudirira mukugadzikana, saka kuchengetedza kuwirirana mumhuri dzose kwakakosha. Edzai kuva nemiitiro yakafanana, mitemo, uye zvinotarisirwa mudzimba dzose dziri mbiri, muchiita kuti vana venyu vanzwe vakachengeteka uye vanonzwisisa zvinotarisirwa kwavari. Izvi hazvisi nyore nguva dzose. Ini naBryan tine maitiro akasiyana ekurera vana uye taizove takaroorana kana kuti kwete. Pane mumwe muenzaniso pakutanga kwekurambana kwedu apo mwanasikana wangu aida kutora dzvinyu. Ndakanga ndamuudza kuti “Absolutely not! Handiiti zvinokambaira zvemhando ipi zvayo!” Akakurumidza kuti, “Baba vanganditsvagira dzvinyu. Ndakatora runhare uye ini naBryan takakurukura nezvekuwana mwanasikana wedu chikara uye vese vakafunga kuti mhinduro yakanga ichiri "kwete." Akabva angoziva kuti baba vake neni tinotaura … kakawanda. Hapana aigona kunzvenga “akati, akadaro” mumba medu!
4. Remekedza Miganhu Yemumwe nemumwe: Kuremekedza miganhu yemumwe nemumwe kwakakosha mukusimudzira hutano hwakanaka hwekurera vana. Ziva kuti wawakamboroorana naye anogona kunge aine maitiro akasiyana ekurera vana, uye rega kutsoropodza kana kukanganisa zvavanosarudza. Kurudzira vana vako kukudziridza ukama hwakanaka nevabereki vose vari vaviri, vachikurudzira mhoteredzo umo vanonzwa vakachengeteka uye vachidiwa pasinei zvapo neimba yavanenge vari.
5. Chengetedza Vana Kuti vasapokane: Zvakakosha kudzivirira vana vako pakukonana kupi nokupi kana kusawirirana kungamuka pakati pako newawakarambana naye. Rega kukurukura nyaya dzematare, nyaya dzemari, kana kuti kupokana pamberi pevana vako. Ita nzvimbo yakachengeteka yokuti vana vako vataure manzwiro avo, uchivavimbisa kuti mirangariro yavo ndeyechokwadi uye kuti havasi ivo vanokonzera kurambana. Zvakare, izvi hazvisi nyore nguva dzose. Zvikurukuru pakuvamba mukurambana, ungava nemirangariro yakasimba, isina kunaka kune wawaimbova mukwanyina wako. Zvinokosha zvikuru kuwana nzira dzokutaura nadzo manzwiro iwayo, asi ndakanzwa zvakasimba kuti ndaisagona “kutaura” kuvana vangu nezvababa vavo, sezvo vachivada zvikuru uye vachizviziva vamene mavari. Kumutsoropodza, ndakanzwa, kwaigona kunzwa sokunge ndiri kushora chikamu chavavari.
6. Foster a Supportive Network: Co-parenting inogona kunetsa mupfungwa, saka zvakakosha kukudziridza network yekutsigira. Tsvaka nhungamiro kubva kumhuri, shamwari, kana vanachipangamazano vane hunyanzvi vanogona kupa zano nemaonero asina rusaruro. Kujoinha mapoka ekutsigira kana kuenda kumakirasi ekurera vabereki akagadzirirwa vabereki vakarambana kunogonawo kupa ruzivo rwakakosha uye pfungwa yenharaunda. Mukutanga kwekurambana kwangu, ndakapedzisira ndava kudzidzisa kirasi yevabereki kune avo vanorambana kuAdams County. Ndinorangarira chinhu chimwe kubva mukosi yakandinamatira ... "Muchagara muri mhuri, kunyangwe zvichataridzika zvakasiyana."
7. Dzidzira Kuzvichengeta: Rangarira kuzvichengeta iwe pachako. Kurambana uye kubereka pamwe chete kunogona kunetsa mumuviri uye mupfungwa, saka zvakakosha kuti uise pamberi pekuzvitarisira iwe pachako. Ita zvinhu zvinokurudzira kugara zvakanaka kwako, zvakadai sokurovedza muviri, kutsvaka zvinokuvaraidza, kupedza nguva neshamwari, kana kutsvaka kurapwa kana kuchidiwa. Nekuzvichengeta iwe pachako, unenge wakashongedzerwa zvirinani kutsigira vana vako panguva ino yekuchinja.

Kurera vana mushure mekurambana kwave kuri muitiro unoramba uripo pakati peaimbova wangu neni kwemakore gumi nematanhatu apfuura izvo zvinoda nhamburiko, kubvumirana, uye kuzvipira kubva kwatiri tese, pamwe nevaroora vedu vatsva. Nokuisa pamberi pekurukurirano yakasununguka, ruremekedzo, kusachinja-chinja, uye kugara zvakanaka kwevana vako, iwewo unogona kuvaka ukama hunobudirira hwomubereki pamwe chete. Yeuka, chinokosha ndechokuisa parutivi misiyano yomunhu oga, kunangidzira ngwariro pazvinodikanwa zvavana vako, uye kushanda pamwe chete kuti muumbe mhoteredzo inotsigira uye yorudo inovabvumira kuti vabudirire. Mashoko andakanzwa mukirasi yokurera vana kare kare, “muchagara muri mhuri, kunyange zvazvo zvicharatidzika zvakasiyana” haakwanisi kuva echokwadi nhasi. Ini naBryan takakwanisa kugadzirisa zvinhu zvakawanda zvoupenyu nevana vedu pamwe chete. Hazvina kugara zvakatsetseka, asi tinodada nekusvika kwatakaita, uye ndinotenda kuti zvakabatsira vana vedu kubuda kune rimwe divi vakasimba uye vakasimba.