Ke hoʻokumu ʻana i kahi ʻohana Stepfamily

A laila ʻelima.

I ka hoʻomaka ʻana o Pepeluali, ua hānau māua me kaʻu kāne he pēpē. ʻO ke kumu i lilo ai mākou i ʻohana ʻelima, ʻo ia kāna mau keiki kāne ʻelua, ʻo kaʻu mau keiki hānai, he 7 a me 9 mau makahiki. ʻO lākou kaʻu mau keiki bonus, nā mea i hoʻohālike iaʻu he makua. Laki mākou i ʻekolu keiki kāne i kēia manawa; he ʻohana kahu hānai mākou i ke aloha.

Ua kākau mua wau e pili ana koʻu mau ʻike ma ke ʻano o ka ʻohana stepfamily, ma ke ʻano he kaikunāne a he makuahine hoʻi, akā ua ulu hou nā mea me ka hoʻohui ʻana o Lucas ma Pepeluali 4, 2023. He kaikunāne koʻu mau keiki. Ua loli ka dynamic, akā ʻaʻole i loli koʻu aloha i kaʻu mau keiki. Ua hopohopo au e manaʻo paha lākou makemake wau i ka pēpē hou no ka mea ʻo ia "naʻu," akā ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoi aku ka pili o kaʻu mau keiki ma mua o ka hānau ʻana o Lucas. Hoʻopili pū ʻia mākou e ke koko ma o Lucas a ʻoi aku ka ʻohana ma mua o ka wā. A ʻo kaʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo lākou nā pēpē mua i loko o koʻu puʻuwai. Ua hana lākou iaʻu he "makuahine," no ka mea, ua mālama au iā lākou e like me ka makuahine no nā makahiki ma mua o Lucas, a ua hoʻomaopopo lākou iaʻu i ke aloha ma waena o kahi kahu hānai a me kahi keiki. E paʻa nō hoʻi lākou i kahi kūikawā i loko o koʻu puʻuwai no ka mea ua koho mākou e aloha kekahi i kekahi a loaʻa kahi pilina pili. ʻAʻole ia he mea i hānau ʻia ai lākou. He mea koʻikoʻi iaʻu ke ʻike lākou ʻoiai ke koi nui nei ka pēpē hou, ʻaʻole ia he mea ʻuʻuku lākou iaʻu. ʻO kaʻu keiki hānau mua, ʻo Zach, ke hoʻohana nei i ka manawa e noiʻi ai i nā hiʻohiʻona pēpē a me ka ulu ʻana; hopohopo ʻo ia ke uē kona kaikunāne pēpē a hoʻāʻo e noʻonoʻo i ke kumu o kona huhū; Makemake ʻo ia e koho i ka lole a Lucas i ʻaʻahu ai i ke kakahiaka a hoʻokani iā ​​ia i nā lullabies ma YouTube e hoʻāʻo e hiamoe iā ia. ʻAʻole makemake nui koʻu keikikāne ʻōpio ʻo Kyle i kona kaikunāne hou i ka wā mua. He paʻakikī ke lilo koke i keiki waena ke makemake ʻoe i ka nānā ʻana a maʻa ʻoe i ka pēpē. Akā i nā mahina i hala iho nei, ua hoʻomaka ʻo ia e hoihoi, e noi ana e hoʻokuke i kāna kaʻa kaʻa, a me ka ʻōlelo ʻana i ka nani o ka pēpē. ʻIke ʻo ia ma kēlā ʻaoʻao o ka lumi i kona kaikunāne pēpē ke hele pū ʻo ia me mākou i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa jiu-jitsu a Kyle a i ʻole nā ​​haʻawina ʻauʻau. Hiki iaʻu ke hoʻomaopopo he mau manaʻo like ʻole no nā keiki ke komo mai kahi pēpē hou i ke kiʻi, no laila e maopopo iaʻu inā ʻaʻole manaʻo maikaʻi kekahi o lākou e pili ana iā ia, akā he mea kupanaha ke ʻike iā lākou e hauʻoli nui i ka loaʻa ʻana iā ia ma ke ʻano he ʻāpana. ka ʻohana.

ʻO ia ke ʻano o koʻu ʻohana. Ua komo maikaʻi wau i ke ola o kaʻu mau keiki kāne; Mālama wau iā lākou e like me ka makua. Ua paʻa mau wau me kaʻu kāne e pili ana i ka hāʻawi ʻana i nā kuleana makua me ia i ko lākou noho ʻana i ko mākou home (ʻo ia ka 50% o ka manawa). Lawe au iā lākou i ke kula, hana i ka ʻaina awakea, hoʻomoe iā lākou i ka pō, a hoʻopaʻi iā lākou i ka wā e pono ai - me kaʻu kāne, he makua kāne maikaʻi loa ia no nā keikikāne ʻekolu a pili nui i ka mālama ʻana iā lākou a pau. He mea nui iaʻu he ʻohana mākou a pau. ʻO ia wale nō ke ala e hiki ai iaʻu ke noʻonoʻo i ke ʻano he stepmom. Akā, ua aʻo au he nui nā ʻano ʻano like ʻole e lilo ai i makuahine hānai a i ʻohana stepfamily, ʻaʻohe hewa o lākou. E pili ana i nā mea e pono ai iā ʻoe i kāu huakaʻi, a he mea paʻakikī ke hoʻokele. Loaʻa ka manawa e ʻike ai i kāu kuleana ma ke ʻano he makua hānai a ma ka ʻohana stepfamily. ʻO kahi helu helu aʻu i lohe ai, ʻehiku mau makahiki e hoʻohui maoli ai i kahi ʻohana. Aia wau i ka makahiki ʻekolu, e hele ana i ʻehā i kēia manawa, akā ua lilo nā mea i ʻoi aku ka ʻoluʻolu, maʻalahi a hauʻoli.

Nui nā mea like ʻole e heluhelu ai e pili ana i nā ʻohana stepfamily. I koʻu neʻe mua ʻana me kaʻu kāne i kēia manawa a me kaʻu mau keikikāne, ke hoʻoholo nei au pehea e hoʻokomo ai i ka dynamic, a heluhelu au i nā ʻatikala a me nā blog. Ua hui pū au i kekahi mau pūʻulu Facebook no nā stepmoms kahi i hōʻike ai ka poʻe i nā pilikia a lākou e hele nei a noi i ka ʻōlelo aʻo. Ua ʻike au aia ka honua holoʻokoʻa o nā acronyms pili me nā ʻohana stepfamilies. ʻo kahi laʻana:

• BM = makuahine ola (bio mom)
• SK, SS, SD = stepkid, stepson, stepdaughter
• DH = kane aloha
• EOWE = kēlā me kēia pule pule ʻaelike mālama

ʻO kekahi mea nui aʻu i ʻike ai i kuhikuhi ʻia ʻo NACHO, ʻo ia hoʻi "nā keiki nacho, pilikia nacho," a i ʻole "nacho circus, nacho monkeys." 'Ōlelo pinepine nā mākuahine ma ka pūnaewele e pili ana i ka "NACHOing," ʻo ia hoʻi ka noho ʻana ma waho o ka hana makua me kā lākou mau keiki. Hiki ke nānā aku i nā mea he nui a he nui nā kumu e koho ai nā kānaka i kēia ala, he ʻokoʻa loa ia mai kaʻu i koho ai. No kekahi, he ʻōpio a ʻoi paha kā lākou stepkids. No kekahi poʻe, no ka makemake ʻole o ka makuahine ola i ka makuahine hānai o kāna mau keiki e "overstep." No kekahi, no ka ʻae ʻole ʻana o kā lākou mau keiki hānai iā lākou ma ke kuleana makua. Laki wau no ka mea, ʻaʻohe o kēia mau mea i pili iaʻu, akā maopopo ka pono o kekahi mau makuahine hānai e hana i kahi kuleana ma ka noho ʻana o kā lākou stepkids ʻoi aku ka ʻoi aku o ka noho hope. A hana no lakou. ʻOi aku kekahi me he hoaaloha maikaʻi loa a i ʻole he ʻanakē ʻē aʻe i kā lākou stepkids. Hana lākou i nā mea me lākou a aloha iā lākou akā ʻaʻole e hoʻāʻo e makua a hoʻopaʻi paha iā lākou, waiho lākou i nā mākua ola.

ʻOiai ke ʻae nei au he kūpono nā ʻano hana a pau o ka hānai ʻana, ua ʻike wau ʻaʻole i wehe nā mea a pau ma ka pūnaewele. I koʻu kākau ʻana ma kahi ʻaha kūkā e wehewehe ana i kahi kūlana i loko o koʻu ʻohana a me ka ʻimi ʻana i ka ʻōlelo aʻo, ua loaʻa iaʻu ka hoʻopaʻi ʻana iaʻu a me kaʻu kāne no koʻu komo ʻana me kaʻu mau keikikāne! Ua nīnau ʻia iaʻu no ke aha wau e hana nei i nā mea no kaʻu mau keiki kāne inā aia kaʻu kāne a no ke aha ʻo ia hana ʻO wau ke mālama i nā keiki a ʻaʻole e lawe. ʻAʻohe oʻu manaʻo no nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i koho e hoʻopaʻa lima inā hana ia no ko lākou ʻohana a e ʻoluʻolu a hauʻoli paha lākou. Akā, manaʻolana a manaʻo wau i nā mea like mai nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i kaʻu koho e ʻoi aku ka lima.

ʻO kaʻu ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo no kēlā me kēia mea e hoʻohui i kahi ʻohana e hana i ka mea kūpono loa iā ʻoe. ʻAʻohe ala kūpono a hewa ʻole e lilo ai i ʻohana stepfamily, ʻoiai ke aloha ʻia a mālama ʻia nā keiki, a ʻoluʻolu nā mea a pau i ke kūlana. Hiki ke kōkua ka heluhelu ʻana i nā ʻatikala a i ʻole nā ​​loina ma ka pūnaewele i kekahi manawa, akā, e lawe pū me ka paʻakai no ka nui o nā mea e hakakā nei, a ʻaʻole maopopo kēlā poʻe i kou kūlana. E ʻōlelo nō hoʻi au he mea pono ia! ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke wehewehe i ka hauʻoli o ka ʻike ʻana i kaʻu pēpē liʻiliʻi i ka honi ʻana mai kona mau kaikuaʻana a i ʻole ka nānā ʻana i ko lākou mau helehelena e ʻālohilohi ana ke ʻakaʻaka ʻo Lucas iā lākou.