INyanga yeSizwe yoqhawulo-mtshato olujoliswe ebantwaneni

Kwimpelaveki ephelileyo, bendihleli phantsi kwentente kumdlalo wokugqibela wonyana wam oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala wokuqubha kwiligi yakhe yasehlotyeni. Unyana wam waqala ukuqubha eneminyaka esixhenxe kwaye eli yayiza kuba sisihlandlo sokugqibela usapho lwakhe lunochulumanco lokumbukela ekhuphisana. Owandithelela phantsi kwentente yayingowayesakuba ngumyeni wam, uBryan; inkosikazi yakhe, uKelly; udade wabo; kunye nomtshana kaKelly kunye nomtshana wakhe; Umama kaBryan, uTerry (owayesakuba ngumkhwekazi wam); umyeni wam ngoku, Scott; kunye nonyana oneminyaka eli-11 ubudala endibelana naye, uLucas. Njengoko sithanda ukuthi, olu “yayilulonwabo losapho olungasebenziyo” ngokugqibeleleyo! Inyani eyonwabileyo…umntwana wam oneminyaka eli-11 ubudala ukwabhekisa kuTerry njengo“Makhulu uTerry,” kuba uphulukene noomakhulu bakhe bobabini kwaye uTerry uyakuvuyela ukugcwalisa.

Uqhawulo-mtshato lunokuba lucelomngeni kunye namava ahlawuliswa ngokweemvakalelo kubo bonke ababandakanyekayo, ngakumbi xa abantwana beyinxalenye yenxaki. Nangona kunjalo, mna noBryan sinebhongo ngendlela esikwazile ngayo ukubeka phambili impilo-ntle kunye nolonwabo lwabantwana bethu ngokuseka ubudlelwane obuqinileyo bokuba ngumzali. Enyanisweni, oku kubalulekile kulonwabo lwabantwana, ndiyakholelwa. Ukuba nomzali omnye asingomntu obuthathaka! Kufuna intsebenziswano, unxibelelwano olusebenzayo, nokuzibophelela ekubekeni kuqala iimfuno zabantwana bakho, phezu kwayo nje indlela onokuvakalelwa ngayo ngokuqhawuka komtshato wakho. Ezi zilandelayo zezinye iindlela esizisebenzisileyo kunye neengcebiso ezisebenzayo zokunceda ukujongana nobudlelwane bethu bomzali emva koqhawulo-mtshato lwethu:

1. Lubeke phambili unxibelelwano oluvulelekileyo nolunyanisekileyo: Ndiyakholelwa ukuba unxibelelwano olusebenzayo lusisiseko sempumelelo xa usebenzisana njengomzali. Xubusha ngokukhululekileyo imibandela ebalulekileyo ephathelele abantwana bakho, njengemfundo, ukhathalelo lwempilo nemisebenzi eyenziwa emva kwesikolo. Gcina ilizwi elifudumeleyo nelentlonelo, ukhumbula ukuba incoko yakho isekelwe kwizilangazelelo zabantwana bakho. Sebenzisa iindlela ezahlukeneyo zonxibelelwano ezifana neengxoxo zobuso ngobuso, ukufowuna, ii-imeyile, okanye ii-apps zokuba ngumzali ukuqinisekisa ukuhamba okungaguqukiyo nokungafihliyo kolwazi. Inye into esiye sayisungula noBryan kwangethuba yayisisipredishithi apho sasilandelela zonke iindleko ezinxulumene nomntwana, ukuze siqinisekise ukuba “sinokulungisa” ngokufanelekileyo ekupheleni kwenyanga nganye.
2. Phuhlisa iSicwangciso sokuBazali ngokubambisana: Isicwangciso esilungelelaniswe kakuhle somzali omnye sinokunika ukucaca kunye nokuzinza kubazali kunye nabantwana. Sebenzisani kunye ukwenza isicwangciso esibanzi esichaza iishedyuli, uxanduva kunye neenkqubo zokwenza izigqibo. Gubungela imiba ebalulekileyo, enje ngeeshedyuli zokutyelela, iiholide, iiholide, kunye nokwahlulwa kwezibophelelo zemali. Yiba bhetyebhetye kwaye uvulele ukuhlaziya isicwangciso njengoko iimfuno zabantwana bakho zikhula ngokuhamba kwexesha. Oku kuye kwaba yinyaniso ngokukodwa njengoko abantwana bethu babengena kwiminyaka yeshumi elivisayo. Umntwana wam oneminyaka engama-24 ubudala undixelele mva nje ukuba uyixabisa kakhulu into yokuba mna notata wakhe asizange senze kube nzima kuye ngokuxambulisana phambi kwakhe okanye simnyanzele ukuba achithe ixesha kwenye indlu phezu kwenye. Nangona siye sarhweba ngeeholide ezinkulu, iintsuku zokuzalwa bezisoloko zibhiyozelwa kunye kwaye nangoku, xa esiya eDenver esuka kwikhaya lakhe eliseChicago, usapho lonke luyadibana kwisidlo sangokuhlwa.
3. Khuthaza Ukungaguquguquki kunye neNkqubo: Abantwana baphila kakuhle ngokuzinza, ngoko ke ukugcina ukungaguquguquki kumakhaya omabini kubalulekile. Zabalazela ukwenza izinto ezifanayo, imithetho nezinto ozilindeleyo kumakhaya omabini, uqinisekise ukuba abantwana bakho baziva benqabisekile yaye bayakuqonda oko kulindelekileyo kubo. Oku akusoloko kulula. Mna noBryan sineendlela ezahlukeneyo zokukhulisa abantwana kwaye siya kuba nayo enoba sasitshatile okanye asitshatanga. Kwakukho umzekelo ekuqaleni koqhawulo-mtshato lwethu apho intombi yam yayifuna ukufumana icikilishe. Ndandimxelele ukuba “Akunjalo! Andizenzi naziphi na izirhubuluzi!” Wakhawuleza wathi, “Utata angandifumanela icikilishe.” Ndathatha ifowuni kwaye mna noBryan saxoxa ngokufumana intombi yethu isirhubuluzi kwaye bobabini bagqiba ekubeni impendulo "yayinguhayi." Wafunda ngoko nangoko ukuba utata wakhe kunye nam sincokola … rhoqo. Akukho mntu wayenokubaleka “watsho, watsho” endlwini yethu!
4. Hloniphani imida yomnye nomnye: Ukuhlonipha imida yomnye nomnye kubalulekile ekukhuthazeni unxulumano olusempilweni lobuzali. Yiqonde into yokuba lowo utshate naye usenokuba uneendlela ezahlukeneyo zobuzali, kwaye ugweme ukugxeka okanye ukulujongela phantsi ukhetho lwabo. Khuthaza abantwana bakho ukuba bakhulise ulwalamano oluhle nabazali bobabini, bekhuthaza imeko-bume apho baziva bekhuselekile yaye bethandwa kungakhathaliseki ukuba bakweliphi na ikhaya.
5. Gcina Abantwana Kungquzulwano: Kubalulekile ukubakhusela abantwana bakho kuzo naziphi na iingxabano okanye ukungavisisani okunokuthi kuvele phakathi kwakho nowayesakuba liqabane lakho. Kuphephe ukuxoxa ngemibandela yomthetho, imicimbi yemali, okanye ukuxambulisana phambi kwabantwana bakho. Yenza indawo ekhuselekileyo yokuba abantwana bakho baveze iimvakalelo zabo, ubaqinisekise ukuba iimvakalelo zabo zifanelekile yaye abanatyala ngoqhawulo-mtshato. Kwakhona, oku akusoloko kulula. Ingakumbi ekuqaleni koqhawulo-mtshato, usenokuba neemvakalelo ezingakhiyo nezingakhiyo ngowayesakuba liqabane lakho. Kubaluleke gqitha ukufumana iindlela zokuchaza ezo mvakalelo, kodwa ndavakalelwa kukuba ndandingenako “ukuxelela” abantwana bam ngoyise wabo, njengoko bemthanda ngokusuk’ entliziyweni yaye bezazi ukuba bamanyene naye. Ukumgxeka, ndaziva ngathi, ndigxeka inxalenye yabo.
6. Yamkela iNethiwekhi yeNkxaso: Ukuba ngumzali omnye kunokuba ngumngeni ngokwasemphefumlweni, ngoko ke kubalulekile ukuphuhlisa uthungelwano lwenkxaso. Funa isikhokelo kusapho, abahlobo, okanye abacebisi abaqeqeshiweyo abanokunika iingcebiso kunye nembono engakhethi cala. Ukujoyina amaqela enkxaso okanye ukuya kwiiklasi zobuzali ezilungiselelwe ngokukodwa abazali abaqhawule umtshato nako kunokunika ulwazi oluxabisekileyo kunye novakalelo loluntu. Ekuqaleni koqhawulo-mtshato lwam, ndagqiba ekubeni ndifundise iklasi yabazali kwabo baqhawula umtshato eAdams County. Ndikhumbula into enye kwikhosi ethe yahlala kum ...
7. Ziqhelise ukuZikhathalela: Khumbula ukuzikhathalela. Uqhawulo-mtshato kunye nokuba ngumzali omnye kunokuba nzima emzimbeni nasemphefumlweni, ngoko ke kubalulekile ukubeka phambili ukuzikhathalela. Zibandakanye kwizinto ezikhuthaza impilo-ntle yakho, ezinjengokwenza umthambo, ukusukela imisetyenzana yokuzonwabisa, ukuchitha ixesha nabahlobo, okanye ukufuna unyango ukuba luyimfuneko. Ngokuzinyamekela, uya kuxhobela ngakumbi ukuxhasa abantwana bakho ngeli xesha lotshintsho.

Co-umzali emva koqhawulo-mtshato ibe yinkqubo eqhubekayo phakathi ex yam kunye nam kule minyaka ili-16 idlulileyo efuna umgudu, ukuthomalalisa, nokuzinikela kuthi sobabini, kwakunye namaqabane ethu amatsha. Ngokubeka phambili unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo, intlonipho, ukungaguquguquki, kunye nentlalo-ntle yabantwana bakho, nawe unokwakha ubudlelwane obuphumelelayo bokuba ngumzali omnye. Khumbula ukuba, eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukukubekela ecaleni ukungavisisani, ukunikela ingqalelo kwiimfuno zabantwana bakho, nize nisebenze kunye ukuze nidale imekobume yenkxaso nenothando ebavumela ukuba baphumelele. Inkcazo endayivayo kulaa klasi yabazali kudala, “uyakuhlala nilusapho, nangona iza kukhangeleka ngokwahlukileyo” ayinakuba yinyaniso namhlanje. Mna noBryan siye sakwazi ukutyhubela amahla-ndinyuka obomi kunye nabantwana bethu. Bekungasoloko kugudiswa ngokugqibeleleyo, kodwa siyazingca ngendlela esihambe ngayo, kwaye ndiyakholelwa ukuba ibancedile abantwana bethu ukuba baphume kwelinye icala bomelele kwaye bomelele ngakumbi.