Iintsapho Zomtshato Wesibini Ziyinto Emele Ziyibhiyozele

Ekukhuleni kwam andizange ndicinge ngegama elithi “intsapho yomtshato wesibini.” Ixesha elininzi lobuntwana bam ndalichitha kwikhaya elinabazali ababini. Kodwa ubomi buyatshintshana asibuboni busiza kwaye igama elithi “intsapho yomtshato wesibini” laba nempembelelo enkulu kubomi bam, njengoko ndalibona kwiimbono ezimbini ezahlukeneyo.

Into yokuqala endayifumanayo kwintsapho yomtshato wesibini ndahamba nayo kwicala labantwana, xa ndafumana umama wesibini. Ngoku, ndinomama ondizalayo oyinxalenye yobomi bam endimgqala njengomntu ophalaza imbilini yam. Kodwa loo nto yayingathethi ukuba indima yomama wesibini ebomini bam yayingumntu wangaphandle okanye ndandingafuni omnye umama. Ubudlelwane bam nomama wam wesibini bebukhethekile kwaye bunenjongo kwakhona, into endicinga ukuba abanye abantu abayilindelanga okanye abayiqondi ngokwenene.

Ukuqala kwam ukudibana nomama wam wesibini, uJulie, ndandikwiminyaka yam yokuqala yama-20 ngoko ke umsindo okanye ingqumbo ayizange isebenze ncam. Kudala ndafuna abazali bam babuyelane kwaye kwakungekuko ukuba uyandiqeqesha okanye uhlala nam. Yayingaqheleki into yokuba utata enentombi, kodwa ndandibavuyela. Ke, xa utata wam wacebisayo kwiminyaka embalwa kamva, ndandisamkela kwaye ndonwabile. Ndandingayilindelanga into yokuba uMama wesibini wayeya kutyhoboza entliziyweni yam, nangona ndandimdala xa saqala ukuthandana.

Xa ndandiphakathi kwiminyaka yama-20, ndagqiba kwelokuba ndamkele umsebenzi eDenver. Ngeli xesha, kwafunyaniswa ukuba uJulie unomhlaza yaye wawusasazeka. Yayikwinqanaba lesi-4. Yena notata babehlala e-Evergreen ngoko ke ndandisazi ukuba le ntshukumo yayiza kundivumela ukuba ndichithe ixesha kunye naye kwaye ndincede nanini na ndikwazi. Ndahlala nabo e-Evergreen okwethutyana njengoko ndandikhangela indawo yokuhlala. UJulie wayengakholelwa ngokwenene kwiilebhile “zenyathelo”. Wandiphatha ngendlela efanayo nabantwana bakhe abathathu obazalayo. Xa wayendazisa, wayedla ngokuthi “yintombi yethu, uSarah.” Wandixelela ukuba uyandithanda ngalo lonke ixesha ndimbona okanye ndithetha naye, yaye wayendinyamekela ngendlela umama angenza ngayo. Wathi uJulie xa ebona umqukumbelo wesiketi sam uyeza siqhawuka, wasithunga. Xa ialam yam yomsebenzi yakhala ngo-2:00 am, ndavuswa sisandi sesibali-xesha sekofu sicofa ukwenza ikofu esandul’ ukwenziwa. Ndifike ekhaya emva kwemini kukho isidlo sasemini esishushu sele siphezu kwetafile. Andizange ndicele nayiphi na kwezi zinto, ndandikwazi ngokupheleleyo ukuzinyamekela. Wayenza kuba endithanda.

Ndakwazi ukuchitha iminyaka eliqela yeeholide, isidlo sangokuhlwa, utyelelo, kunye nezihlandlo ezikhethekileyo kunye noJulie ngaphambi kokuba umhlaza wakhe ube mandundu kakhulu. Ngenye imini yasehlotyeni, ndandihleli kwigumbi labagula kakhulu namalungu entsapho yakhe njengoko sasimbukele etyibilika. Xa uninzi losapho lwakhe bemka besiya kwisidlo sasemini, ndambamba ngesandla njengoko wayesokola ndaza ndamxelela ukuba ndiyamthanda njengoko wayephefumla okokugqibela. Bendingasoze ndiphinde ndibenje emva kokuba ndiphulukene naye, kwaye bendingasoze ndiyilibale indlela awabuchaphazela ngayo ubomi bam. Wayendithanda ngendlela engazange afuneke, engazange ayilindele. Yaye ngandlel’ ithile, oko kwakuthetha okungakumbi kunothando lomzali wokwenene.

Emva nje konyaka, ndaqala ukuthandana nendoda eyayiza kuba ngumyeni wam ekugqibeleni. Ndafumanisa, phezu kweebhega kunye nebhiya, ukuba wayeqhawule umtshato kunye noyise wamakhwenkwe amabini amancinci. Umnqweno wam wokuqala yayikukuthandabuza ukuba ndiyakwazi na ukuyimela loo nto. Emva koko ndakhumbula indlela elimangalisa ngayo ingcamango yomama wesibini nentsapho yomtshato wesibini. Ndacinga ngoJulie nendlela awandamkela ngayo kwintsapho yakhe, kubomi bakhe nasentliziyweni yakhe. Bendiyazi ukuba ndiyayithanda le ndoda, nangona bendimazi kodwa kwiiyure ezimbalwa, kwaye bendiyazi ukuba kufanelekile ukuyijonga le. Xa ndadibana noonyana bakhe, nabo batyhutyha indlela yabo entliziyweni yam ngendlela endandingayilindelanga.

Eli elinye icala lentsapho yomtshato wesibini lalinamandla kancinane. Okokuqala, aba bantwana babebancinane kakhulu kunam xa ndandingumntwana wesibini. Kodwa kwakunzima ukuhlala nabo nokwazi indlela yokuziphatha. Andisathethi ke, ubhubhani we-COVID-19 wafika kamsinya nje emva kokuba ndingenile, ke bendisebenza ekhaya kwaye bebesiya esikolweni ekhaya, kwaye akukho namnye kuthi ebesiya kwenye indawo…. Ekuqaleni, ndandingafuni ukugqithela, kodwa ndandingafuni kuhanjwa. Ndandingafuni ukuzibandakanya nezinto ezingezizo ezam, kodwa ndandingafuni nokuba ngathi andikhathali. Ndandifuna ukuzibeka kwindawo yokuqala kwaye ubudlelwane bethu. Ndingabe ndiyaxoka ukuba ndithi azikhuli zintlungu. Kwathatha ixesha ukuba ndifumane indawo yam, indima yam, kunye nenqanaba lam lokuthuthuzela. Kodwa ngoku ndiyavuya ukuthi mna nabantwana bam bomtshato wesibini sithandana kwaye sikhathalelana ngokunzulu. Ndicinga ukuba nabo bayandihlonipha.

Ngokwembali, iincwadi zamabali azikhange zibe nabubele kumama wesibini; akufuneki ujonge ngakumbi kuneDisney. Ngenye imini ndabukela "Amabali amaHorror aseMelika” isiqendu esinesihloko esithi “Facelift” apho umama wesibini, owayesondele kwintombi yakhe yomtshato wesibini, waqalisa ukuguqula “ububi” nokwenza amabango anjengokuthi “asiyontombi yam yokwenene!” Ibali laphela xa intombi ifumanisa ukuba “umama wayo wokwenyani” wayeyikhathalele ngaphezu kokuba umama wayo wesibini wayesenza. Ndihlunguzela intloko xa ndibona ezi zinto kuba andikholelwa ukuba ihlabathi lisoloko liyiqonda intsingiselo yentsapho yomtshato wesibini. Xa ndazisa umama wam wesibini kwincoko, ndandidla ngokudibana namagqabaza athi “uyamcaphukela?” okanye “ulingana nawe?” Ndikhumbula ngomnye unyaka ndaxelela omnye endandisebenza naye ukuba uSuku loMama luyiholide enkulu kum kuba ndibhiyozela amabhinqa amathathu – umakhulu wam, umama wam, nomama wam wesibini. Impendulo yayisithi "kutheni ungathengela umama wakho wesibini isipho?" Xa uJulie waswelekayo, ndawuxelela umsebenzi wam wangaphambili ukuba kuza kufuneka ndiphumle yaye ndadimazeka xa impendulo evela kuHR yayisithi, “Owu, ngumama wakho wesibini kuphela? Emva koko ufumana nje iintsuku ezi-2. " Ngamanye amaxesha ndiyibona ngoku, nabantwana bam bomtshato wesibini, njengoko abanye abantu bengawuqondi ncam umnqweno wam wokubaphatha ngendlela ebendiya kubaphatha ngayo usapho lwam okanye baqonde uthando nokuzinikela kwam kubo. Into engaveziyo eso sihloko “inyathelo” bunzulu, unxibelelwano olunentsingiselo onokuba nalo nomntu ongumzali okanye umntwana ebomini bakho, olungelulo lwebhayoloji. Siyayiqonda loo nto kwiintsapho zabantwana abangoowabo, kodwa ngandlel’ ithile asisoloko sikwiintsapho zomtshato wesibini.

Njengoko sibhiyozela uSuku lweSizwe loSapho lomtshato wesibini, ndingathanda ukuthi indima yam kusapho lomtshato wesibini indiguqule ngeendlela ezininzi ezintle, baye bandivumela ukuba ndibone indlela uthando olungenamda kunye nokuba unokumxabisa kangakanani umntu osenokuba wayengekho. ukhona kwasekuqalekeni kodwa umi ecaleni kwakho ngokunjalo. Ekuphela kwento endiyifunayo kukuba ngumama wesibini olungileyo njengoJulie. Ndiziva ngathi andisoze ndikwazi ukuphila naye, kodwa ndizama yonke imihla ukwenza abantwana bam bomtshato bazive uhlobo lothando olunentsingiselo endaluvayo kuye. Ndifuna baqonde ukuba ndibakhethile, kwaye ndiza kuqhubeka ndibakhetha njengosapho lwam ubomi bam bonke. Ndibandakanyeke kubomi babo bemihla ngemihla. Mna, nabazali babo bokwenene, sibenzela isidlo sasemini esikolweni, sibashiye kusasa, sibawole sibancamise, yaye sibathanda ngokunzulu. Bayazi ukuba banokuza kum ukuze bafumane uncedo ngamadolo abo akruqukileyo, xa befuna intuthuzelo, naxa befuna ukuba umntu abone into emangalisayo abayifezileyo. Ndifuna bayazi indlela abandiphatha ngayo kwaye indlela abandivulele ngayo imbilini yabo yinto endingasoze ndiyithathe kancinci. Xa bebaleka beza kum bendixelela ukuba bayandithanda okanye bendicela ukuba ndibafake ebusuku, andikwazi kuzibamba ndicinga indlela endinethamsanqa ngayo ebomini ukuba nabantwana basekhaya. Ndilapha ukuze ndazise wonke umntu ongenamava ngentsapho yomtshato wesibini, ukuba zizintsapho zokwenene nazo yaye uthando olukuzo lunamandla ngokufanayo. Kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba njengoko ixesha lihamba, uluntu lwethu lunokufumana ngcono kancinci ekubakheni, endaweni yokubathoba, kwaye bakhuthaze ukukhula kwabo kunye nothando "lwebhonasi" olongezelelweyo abasizisela lona.