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Funda kabanzi apha

Ukudala Intsapho Yomtshato Wesibini

By USarah W.

Kwaye kwabakho ezintlanu.

Ekuqaleni kuka February, mna nomyeni wam saba nomntwana. Isizathu esibangela ukuba sibe yintsapho yabahlanu kukuba unabanye oonyana ababini, abantwana bam bomtshato, abaneminyaka eyi-7 kunye ne-9 ubudala. Ngabantwana bam bonus, aba bandenza ndaziva ndingumzali. Sinethamsanqa lokuba namakhwenkwe amathathu ngoku; siyintsapho yomtshato wesibini ezele luthando.

Ndibhale ngaphambili malunga amava am okuba yinxalenye yentsapho yomtshato wesibini, zombini njengomntwana wesibini kunye nomama wesibini, kodwa izinto zavela ngakumbi ngokudityaniswa kukaLucas ngoFebruwari 4, 2023. Abantwana bam abancinci ngoku banomntakwabo. Amandla atshintshile, kodwa uthando lwam kubantwana bam bomtshato alukatshintshi. Ndandinexhala lokuba banokucinga ukuba ndiyamthanda umntwana omtsha kuba "ngowam," kodwa ngokwenene, ndiziva ndisondele ngakumbi kubantwana bam bomntwana kunokuba ndenza ngaphambi kokuba uLucas azalwe. Ngoku sidityaniswe kunye ngegazi ngoLucas kwaye sibaninzi bentsapho kunanini ngaphambili. Kwaye ngokunyanisekileyo, baya kuhlala bengabantwana bokuqala entliziyweni yam. Bandenza “umama,” kuba ndandibanyamekela njengomama kangangeminyaka ngaphambi kukaLucas, yaye bandenza ndaluqonda uthando oluphakathi komnyamekela nomntwana. Baza kubamba indawo ekhethekileyo entliziyweni yam kuba sakhetha ukuthandana kunye nokuba nobudlelwane obusondeleyo. Yayingeyonto nje abazalelwa kuyo. Kwakubalulekile kum ukuba bazi ukuba nangona usana olutsha lufuna ukuhoywa kakhulu, oko akuthethi ukuba alubalulekanga kangako kum. Oyena nyana wam umdala, uZach, uchitha ixesha ephanda ngeziganeko zomntwana nophuhliso; uba nexhala xa umninawa wakhe ekhala aze azame ukuqonda isizathu sokuba akhathazeke; uyathanda ukukhetha impahla enxitywa nguLucas kusasa aze amdlalele i-lullabies kwiYouTube ukuzama ukumenza alale. Unyana wam omncinane, uKyle, wayengenamdla kangako kumzalwana wakhe omtsha ekuqaleni. Kunzima ukuba ngequbuliso ube ngumntwana ophakathi xa uthanda ukuhoywa kwaye uqhele ukuba ngumntwana. Kodwa kwezi nyanga zimbalwa zidlulileyo, uye waqalisa ukuba nomdla, ecela ukutyhala istroller yakhe, etsho nokuba mhle kangakanani umntwana. Uncuma ngaphaya kwegumbi kubhuti wakhe oselusana xa esiza kunye nathi kwizifundo zikaKyle zokuziqhelanisa nejiu-jitsu okanye zokuqubha. Ndiyaqonda ukuba kuhlala kukho iimvakalelo ezixubeneyo zabantwana xa usana olutsha lungena emfanekisweni, ke ndingaqonda ukuba akukho namnye kubo oziva enethemba eligqithileyo ngokuba naye, kodwa kuyathandeka ukubabona bevuya kakhulu ukuba naye njengenxalenye yeqela. usapho.

Leyo yindlela ekhangeleka ngayo intsapho yakowethu. Ndibandakanyeke kakhulu kubomi boonyana bam bomtshato wesibini; Ndibakhathalele ngendlela ebeya kwenza ngayo umzali. Bendisoloko ndingavumi kumyeni wam ngokwabelana naye ngoxanduva lobuzali xa besekhaya (nto leyo engama-50% exesha). Ndibazisa esikolweni, ndibenzele isidlo sasemini, ndibalalise ebusuku, ndide ndibaqeqeshe xa kuyimfuneko – ndikunye nomyeni wam, ongutata ongakholelekiyo kuwo omathathu amakhwenkwe noxakeke kakhulu ekunyamekeleni onke. Bekubalulekile kum ukuba sonke sibelusapho. Leyo kuphela kwendlela endandinokucinga ngayo ukuba ndingumama wesibini. Kodwa ndiye ndafunda ukuba zininzi iindlela ezahlukahlukeneyo zokuba ngumama wesibini nentsapho yomtshato wesibini, yaye akukho nanye kuzo ephosakeleyo. Kuko konke okukusebenzelayo kuhambo lwakho, kwaye kunokuba nzima ukuhamba. Kuthatha ixesha ukufumana indima yakho njengomzali wesibini nakwintsapho yomtshato wesibini. Istatistiki endiyivileyo kukuba kuthatha iminyaka esixhenxe ukudibanisa ngokwenene usapho. Ndikunyaka wesithathu kuphela, ndiqhubeka nesine ngoku, kodwa izinto sele zikhululekile ngakumbi, zilula kwaye zonwabile.

KUKHO izinto ezininzi ezahlukahlukeneyo onokuzifunda ngeentsapho zomtshato wesibini. Ukuqala kwam ukuhlala nomyeni wam ngoku kunye nabantwana basekhaya, ndandisagqiba ukuba ndingangena njani kwizinto eziguqukayo, kwaye ndafunda amanqaku amaninzi kunye neeblogi. Ndaye ndajoyina amaqela ambalwa e-Facebook kwi-stepmoms apho abantu babelane ngemiba ababehamba ngayo kwaye bacele iingcebiso. Ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba kukho izishunqulelo ezininzi ezinxulunyaniswa neentsapho zomtshato wesibini. Umzekelo:

  • BM = umama webhayoloji (umama webhayoloji)
  • SK, SS, SD = umntwana wesibini, umntwana wesibini, intombi yomtshato
  • DH = umyeni othandekayo
  • EOWE = zonke ezinye isivumelwano sokugcinwa kwempelaveki

Enye into enkulu endiyibonileyo kubhekiselwa kuyo yayiyi-NACHO, ethetha "abantwana be-nacho, ingxaki ye-nacho," okanye "i-nacho circus, nayo iinkawu." Oomama abakwi-intanethi bahlala bethetha “nge-NACHOing,” oko kuthetha ukungazibandakanyi nendima yobuzali nabantwana babo bomtshato wesibini. Oku kunokukhangeleka njengezinto ezininzi kwaye kukho izizathu ezininzi zokuba kutheni abantu bakhetha le ndlela, eyahluke kakhulu kuleyo ndiyikhethile. Kwabanye, abantwana babo bomtshato wesibini bakwishumi elivisayo okanye ngaphezulu. Kwabanye, kungenxa yokuba umama womntwana akafuni ukuba umama wesibini wabantwana bakhe “agqithe.” Kwabanye, kungenxa yokuba abantwana bomtshato wesibini ababamkeli kwindima yobuzali. Ndibe nethamsanqa kuba akukho nanye kwezi esebenzayo kum, kodwa iyaqondakala into yokuba abanye oomama bomtshato wesibini kufuneka bathathe inxaxheba kubomi babantwana babo bomtshato obubaluleke kakhulu. Kwaye iyasebenza kubo. Abanye bafana nomhlobo osenyongweni okanye umakazi opholileyo kubantwana babo bomtshato wesibini. Benza izinto kunye nabo kwaye bayabathanda kodwa abazami ukuba ngumzali okanye ukubaqeqesha kwaphela, oko bakuyekela kubazali bemvelo.

Nangona ndivuma ukuba zonke iindlela zokuba ngumzali wesibini zifanelekile, ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba asingabo bonke abantu abanengqondo ephangaleleyo kwi-intanethi. Xa ndabhala kwiforum echaza imeko yendlu yam kwaye ndifuna ingcebiso, ndafumana isigwebo kumyeni wam kunye nam ngokubandakanyeka kwam nabantwana bam bomtshato! Ndibuzwe ukuba kutheni ndisenzela abantwana basekhaya ukuba umyeni wam ukhona kwaye kutheni ekhona kwezigqibo ndiphatha abantwana kwaye andithathi ndawo. Andinasigwebo kwabanye abakhetha ukuba izandla ngakumbi ukuba oko kusebenzela usapho lwabo kwaye kubenza bakhululeke ngakumbi okanye bonwabe. Kodwa, ndiyathemba kwaye ndilindele okufanayo nakwabanye ekukhetheni kwam ukuba basebenze ngakumbi.

Ingcebiso yam kuye nabani na okwinkqubo yokudibanisa usapho kukuba enze oko kusebenza kakuhle kuwe. Akukho ndlela ilungileyo nengalunganga yokuba yintsapho yomtshato wesibini, logama nje abantwana bethandwa yaye benyanyekelwa, yaye wonke umntu ukhululekile kuloo meko. Ukufunda amanqaku okanye imisonto kwi-intanethi ngamanye amaxesha kunokuba luncedo, kodwa kwakhona, yithathe ngengqolowa yetyuwa kuba izinto ezininzi ziyaphikisana, kwaye abo bantu abayazi imeko yakho. Ndingatsho kwakhona ukuba kufanelekile! Andikwazi nokuluchaza uvuyo lokubona usana lwam oluncinci luphuzwa ngoobhuti bakhe abadala okanye babukele ubuso babo bukhanya xa uLucas ebancumela.