Inyanga Kazwelonke Yesehlukaniso Esigxile Ezinganeni

Ngempelasonto edlule, bengihlezi ngaphansi kwetende emhlanganweni wokugcina wokubhukuda wendodana yami eneminyaka engu-18 weligi yayo yasehlobo. Indodana yami yaqala ukubhukuda ineminyaka eyisikhombisa futhi lokhu bekuzoba ngokokugcina umndeni wayo ube nesasasa lokuyibuka iqhudelana. Owangihlanganisa ngaphansi kwetende kwakungumyeni wami wangaphambili, uBryan; umkakhe, uKelly; udadewabo; kanye nomshana kaKelly; Umama kaBryan, uTerry (umamezala wami wangaphambili); umyeni wami wamanje, uScott; kanye nendodana eneminyaka engu-11 ubudala engihlanganyela nayo, uLucas. Njengoba sithanda ukusho, lokhu "kwakuyinjabulo yomndeni engasebenzi" ngendlela engcono kakhulu! Iqiniso elijabulisayo...ingane yami eneminyaka engu-11 ubudala iphinde ibize uTerry ngokuthi “uGogo uTerry,” ngoba ushonelwe ogogo bakhe bobabili futhi uTerry uyakujabulela ukugcwalisa.

Isehlukaniso singaba yinto eyinselele futhi ethinta imizwa kubo bonke abathintekayo, ikakhulukazi uma izingane ziyingxenye yezibalo. Kodwa-ke, mina noBryan siyaziqhenya ngendlela esikwazile ngayo ukubeka phambili inhlalakahle nenjabulo yezingane zethu ngokusungula ubudlelwano obuqinile bomzali oyedwa. Eqinisweni, lokhu kubalulekile enjabulweni yezingane, ngiyakholwa. Ukuzalanisa ndawonye akusikho okwababuthaka! Kudinga ukubambisana, ukukhulumisana okuphumelelayo, nokuzibophezela ekubekeni izidingo zezingane zakho kuqala, naphezu kokuthi ungase uzizwe kanjani ngokuhlakazeka komshado wakho. Okulandelayo amanye amasu esiwasebenzisile namathiphu asebenzayo ukuze asisize ekuzulazuleni ekukhuliseni ngokubambisana kwethu ngemva kwesehlukaniso sethu:

1. Beka Eqhulwini Ukuxhumana Okuvulelekile Nokwethembeka: Ngikholelwa ukuthi ukuxhumana okusebenzayo kwakha isisekelo sempumelelo lapho ubambisana umzali. Xoxa ngokukhululekile ngezinto ezibalulekile eziphathelene nezingane zakho, njengemfundo, ukunakekelwa kwempilo, nemisebenzi yangemva kwesikole. Londoloza iphimbo elifudumele nelenhlonipho, ukhumbula ukuthi izingxoxo zakho zigxile ezintweni ezizuzisa izingane zakho. Sebenzisa izindlela zokuxhumana ezahlukahlukene njengezingxoxo zobuso nobuso, izingcingo, ama-imeyili, noma izinhlelo zokusebenza ezikhulisa izingane ndawonye ukuze uqinisekise ukugeleza okungaguquki nokungafihli kolwazi. Into eyodwa mina noBryan esayisungula kusenesikhathi kwakuyispredishithi lapho sasilandelela khona zonke izindleko ezihlobene nengane, ukuze siqinisekise ukuthi “singakwazi ukulungisa” kahle ekupheleni kwenyanga ngayinye.
2. Yakha Uhlelo Lokuhlanganisa Umzali: Uhlelo oluhlelwe kahle lomzali oyedwa lunganikeza ukucaca nokuzinza kubo bobabili abazali nezingane. Sebenzani ndawonye ukuze nidale uhlelo oluphelele oluveza amashejuli, izibopho, nezinqubo zokwenza izinqumo. Bamba izici ezibalulekile, njengamashejuli okuvakasha, amaholide, amaholide, kanye nokuhlukaniswa kwezibopho zezimali. Yiba nezimo futhi uvulekele ukubukeza uhlelo njengoba izidingo zezingane zakho zishintsha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Lokhu kube yiqiniso ikakhulukazi njengoba izingane zethu zingena eminyakeni yobusha. Ingane yami eneminyaka engu-24 isanda kungitshela ukuthi yazisa kakhulu ukuthi mina noyise asizange senze kube nzima ngaye ngokuxabana phambi kwayo noma simfune ngenkani ukuba ahlale endlini eyodwa phezu kwenye. Noma sahweba ngamaholide amakhulu, izinsuku zokuzalwa bezihlale zigujwa ndawonye futhi ngisho namanje, lapho eya e-Denver esuka ekhaya e-Chicago, wonke umndeni uyahlangana ukuze udle isidlo sakusihlwa.
3. Thuthukisa Ukungaguquguquki Nomjikelezo: Izingane zikhula kahle ngokuzinza, ngakho ukugcina ukungaguquguquki kuyo yonke imizi yomibili kubalulekile. Lwela ukuba nezinqubo ezifanayo, imithetho, nalokho okulindele emakhaya omabili, uqiniseke ukuthi izingane zakho zizizwa zilondekile futhi ziyakuqonda okulindeleke kuzo. Lokhu akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi. Mina noBryan sinezitayela ezihlukene zokukhulisa izingane futhi singaba nazo ukuthi sishadile noma cha. Kuke kwaba nesenzakalo ekuqaleni kwesehlukaniso sethu lapho indodakazi yami yayifuna ukuthola isibankwa. Ngangimtshelile ukuthi “Lutho neze! Angizenzi izilwane ezihuquzelayo zanoma yiluphi uhlobo!” Ngokushesha wathi, “Ubaba uzongitholela isibankwa.” Ngathatha ucingo futhi mina noBryan saxoxa ngokuthola indodakazi yethu isilwane esihuquzelayo futhi sobabili sanquma ukuthi impendulo yayisengu “cha.” Wavele wafunda ukuthi mina nobaba wakhe sikhuluma … njalo. Akekho owayengabalekela “esho, esho” endlini yethu!
4. Hloniphani Imingcele Yomunye Nomunye: Ukuhlonipha imingcele yomunye nomunye kubalulekile ekukhuthazeni ukuguquguquka okunempilo komzali oyedwa. Qaphela ukuthi lowo owawushade naye angase abe nezitayela ezahlukene zokukhulisa izingane, futhi ugweme ukugxeka noma ukubukela phansi ukukhetha kwabo. Khuthaza izingane zakho ukuba zakhe ubuhlobo obuhle nabazali bobabili, ukhuthaze isimo lapho zizizwa ziphephile futhi zithandwa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi zikumuphi umuzi.
5. Gcina Izingane Ezingxabano: Kubalulekile ukuvikela izingane zakho kunoma yiziphi izingxabano noma ukungezwani okungase kuphakame phakathi kwakho nowayengumlingani wakho. Gwema ukuxoxa ngezindaba zomthetho, izindaba zezimali, noma izingxabano zomuntu siqu phambi kwezingane zakho. Dala indawo ephephile yokuba izingane zakho ziveze imizwa yazo, uziqinisekise ukuthi imizwa yazo ilungile nokuthi azinacala ngesehlukaniso. Nalapha futhi, lokhu akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni kwesehlukaniso, ungase ube nemizwa enamandla nengalungile ngomngane wakho womshado wangaphambili. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthola izindlela zokuveza leyo mizwa, kodwa ngaba nomuzwa onamandla wokuthi ngangingenakukwazi “ukuveza” izingane zami ngoyise, njengoba zimthanda kakhulu futhi zizazi ukuthi zikuye. Ukumgxeka, ngazizwa, kungase kube sengathi ngigxeka ingxenye ethile abayikho.
6. Dala Inethiwekhi Esekelayo: Ukuba nomzali oyedwa kungaba inselele emoyeni, ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukwakha inethiwekhi yokusekela. Funa isiqondiso kumndeni, abangani, noma abeluleki abangochwepheshe abanganikeza iseluleko esingachemile kanye nombono. Ukujoyina amaqembu osekelo noma ukuya emakilasini okukhulisa izingane aklanyelwe abazali abahlukanisile nakho kunganikeza imininingwane ebalulekile kanye nomuzwa womphakathi. Ekuqaleni kwesehlukaniso sami, ngagcina sengifundisa ikilasi lokukhulisa izingane kulabo ababehlukanisa i-Adams County. Ngikhumbula into eyodwa esifundweni esangigcina ... “Niyohlala niwumndeni, nakuba kuzobukeka kuhlukile.”
7. Zijwayeze Ukuzinakekela: Khumbula ukuzinakekela. Isehlukaniso kanye nokuba umzali oyedwa kungaba nzima ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo, ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukubeka phambili ukuzinakekela. Zibandakanye ezintweni ezithuthukisa ukuphila kwakho okuhle, njengokuzivocavoca, ukwenza izinto zokuzilibazisa, ukuchitha isikhathi nabangane, noma ukufuna ukwelashwa uma kudingeka. Ngokuzinakekela, uzokuhlomela kangcono ukusekela izingane zakho phakathi nalesi sikhathi sezinguquko.

Ukuba ngumzali ngokubambisana ngemva kwesehlukaniso kube yinqubo eqhubekayo phakathi kwami ​​nalowo engangishade naye eminyakeni eyi-16 eyedlule edinga umzamo, ukuvumelana, nokuzinikela kithina sobabili, kanye nabashadikazi bethu abasha. Ngokubeka phambili ukukhulumisana okuvulekile, inhlonipho, ukungaguquguquki, kanye nenhlalakahle yezingane zakho, nawe ungakha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo bokubambisana nomzali. Khumbula, isihluthulelo siwukubekela eceleni ukungezwani komuntu siqu, ugxile ezidingweni zezingane zakho, futhi nisebenze ndawonye ukuze nidale indawo esekelayo nenothando ebavumela ukuba baphumelele. Isitatimende engasizwa kulelo klasi labazali kudala, “niyohlala niwumndeni, nakuba kuzobukeka kuhlukile” asikwazi ukuba yiqiniso namuhla. Mina noBryan siye sakwazi ukuxazulula izinkinga eziningi zokuphila kanye nezingane zethu. Bekungasheleli ngaso sonke isikhathi, kodwa siyaziqhenya ngendlela esesihambe ngayo, futhi ngikholwa ukuthi isizile izingane zethu ukuba ziphume ziqine futhi ziqinile.