Njalo ngoMfumfu kusukela ngo-1985, Inyanga Yokuqwashisa Ngomdlavuza Webele isebenza njengesikhumbuzo somphakathi ngokubaluleka kokutholakala kusenesikhathi nokunakekelwa komdlavuza webele, kanye nokwazisa inqwaba yeziguli ezinomdlavuza webele, abasindile, kanye nabacwaningi abenza umsebenzi obaluleke kangaka wokufuna ikhambi lokwelapha. isifo. Kimina uqobo, akukhona nje ngo-Okthoba lapho ngicabanga ngalesi sifo esibi. Bengilokhu ngicabanga ngakho, noma ngokungaqondile, cishe nsuku zonke kusukela ngesikhathi umama wami othandekayo engishayela ucingo ngoJuni 2004 engazisa ukuthi uxilongwa. Ngisakhumbula kahle ukuthi ngangimi kuphi ekhishini lami lapho ngizwa lezi zindaba. Kuyamangaza ukuthi izehlakalo ezibuhlungu ziyithinta kanjani imiqondo yethu futhi inkumbulo yaleso sikhathi kanye nezinye ezalandela zisengaveza ukusabela okungokomzwelo okunjalo. Nganginezinyanga ezingaphezu kweziyisithupha ngikhulelwe ingane yami ephakathi futhi kuze kube yileso sikhathi, ngangingakaze ngizwe ukuhlukumezeka empilweni yami.

Ngemva kokushaqeka kokuqala, unyaka olandelayo nengxenye kuwukufiphala nje enkumbulweni yami. Impela...kwaba nezikhathi ezinzima ezazibikezelwe zokumsekela ohambweni lwakhe: odokotela, izibhedlela, izinqubo, ukutakula kokuhlinzwa, njll., kodwa kwakukhona namaholide, uhleko, isikhathi esiyigugu nomama kanye nezingane zami ndawonye (wayevame ukusho lokho. ugogo noma umkhulu kwaba "igigi elingcono kakhulu" ake waba nalo!), uhambo, izinkumbulo ezenziwe. Kwaba khona ekuseni lapho abazali bami bevakashele eDenver bezobona umzukulu wabo omusha lapho umama efika endlini yami ekuseni, ehleka ngokumangazayo. Ngambuza ukuthi yini eyayihlekisa kangaka, futhi waxoxa indaba yokuqothuka kwezinwele zakhe ze-chemo ngobusuku obandulela nezinwele zakhe zawa zibe yizicucu ezinkulu esandleni sakhe. Wenza ukugigitheka ecabanga ngalokho okumelwe ukuba abaninikhaya babekucabanga, njengoba babebona lonke ikhanda lakhe elimnyama, eligoqekile lesiGreki/amaNtaliyane kudoti. Kuyaxaka ukuthi yini engakwenza uhleke lapho ubhekene nobuhlungu obukhulu nokudabuka.

Ekugcineni, umdlavuza kamama awuzange welapheke. Utholwe enohlobo olungavamile olubizwa ngokuthi umdlavuza webele ovuvukalayo, ongabonwa nge-mammograms futhi ngesikhathi lutholwa, usedlulele esigabeni IV. Washiya lo mhlaba ngokuthula ngosuku olufudumele luka-April ngo-2006 emzini wakhe e-Riverton, e-Wyoming nami, umfowethu, kanye nobaba ekanye naye lapho ephefumula okokugcina.

Kulawo masonto ambalwa adlule, ngikhumbula ngifuna ukubonisa noma iziphi izingcezu zokuhlakanipha engangingase ngibe nazo, futhi ngambuza ukuthi wakwazi kanjani ukuhlala eshadile nobaba iminyaka engaphezu kuka-40. Ngathi: “Umshado unzima. "Wenze kanjani?" Wathi ngokuncokola, emehlweni akhe amnyama kanye nokumamatheka okukhulu, “Nginesineke esidlulele!” Ngemva kwamahora ambalwa, wabukeka ezimisele futhi wangicela ukuba ngihlale naye futhi wathi “Bengifuna ukukunikeza impendulo yangempela yokuthi ngahlala kanjani ngishadile noyihlo isikhathi eside kangaka. Into ukuthi…Ngafika ekuqapheleni eminyakeni edlule ukuthi ngingahamba lapho izinto ziba nzima futhi ngidlulele komunye umuntu, kodwa ukuthi ngizobe ngihweba isethi yezinkinga ngizitholele enye. Futhi nginqume ukuthi ngizonamathela nalolu chungechunge lwezinkinga futhi ngiqhubeke nokuzilungisa.” Amazwi ahlakaniphile avela kumuntu wesifazane ofayo namazwi aguqule indlela engibona ngayo ubudlelwano besikhathi eside. Lesi isifundo esisodwa nje sempilo engasithola kumama wami othandekayo. Omunye omuhle? "Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuduma iwukuba nomusa kuwo wonke umuntu." Wayekukholelwa lokhu…uphile lokhu…futhi kuyinto engivame ukuyiphinda ezinganeni zami. Uyaphila.

Akubona bonke abesifazane ababhekwa "njengengozi enkulu" yomdlavuza webele abakhetha lo mzila, kodwa muva nje, nginqume ukulandela inqubo eyingozi kakhulu ehlanganisa i-mammogram eyodwa kanye ne-ultrasound eyodwa ngonyaka. Kungakubeka kancane ku-rollercoaster yemizwa, noma kunjalo, njengoba ngezinye izikhathi nge-ultrasound, ungathola amaphuzu angamanga futhi udinga i-biopsy. Lokhu kungase kubangele ukucindezeleka ngenkathi ulinde lokho kuqokwa kwe-biopsy futhi ngethemba, umphumela ongemuhle. Kuyinselele, kodwa nginqume ukuthi lena iyona ndlela eyenza umqondo kimina. Umama wayengenakho ukukhetha. Waxilongwa kabi futhi wabhekana nazo zonke izinto ezimbi futhi ekugcineni, walahlekelwa yimpi yakhe esikhathini esingaphansi kweminyaka emibili. Angiwufuni lowo mphumela kimi noma kubantwana bami. Ngikhetha umzila osebenzayo nakho konke okuza nakho. Uma ngiphoqeleka ukuthi ngibhekane nalokho umama abhekane nakho, ngifuna ukwazi kusenesikhathi, futhi ngizoyinqoba leyo #@#4! futhi ube nesikhathi esiyigugu…isipho umama angasiphiwanga. Ngingakhuthaza noma ubani ofunda lokhu ukuthi abonane nodokotela wakho ukuze athole ukuthi lesi senzo singase sibe nengqondo yini ngesizinda sakho/umlando kanye nezinga lobungozi. Ngaphinde ngahlangana nomeluleki wezakhi zofuzo futhi ngenza ukuhlolwa kwegazi okulula ukuze ngibone ukuthi ngiphethe isakhi somdlavuza wezinhlobo ezingaphezu kuka-70 zomdlavuza. Ukuhlola bekumbozwa umshwalense wami, ngakho ngikhuthaza abanye ukuthi bahlole leyo nketho.

Sekuyiminyaka engaphezu kwengu-16 ngicabanga ngomama nsuku zonke. Ungikhanyisele ukukhanya okungazange kucime enkumbulweni yami. Enye yezinkondlo zakhe azikhonzile (wayengumfundi wesiNgisi owayelulama!) yabizwa Umdwebo Wokuqala, ngu-Edna St. Vincent Millay futhi izohlala ingikhumbuza lokho kukhanya:

Ikhandlela lami livutha emikhawulweni yomibili;
Ngeke kuhlale ubusuku;
Kepha oh, izitha zami, futhi oh, abangane bami-
Inikeza ukukhanya okuthandekayo!